


Happy Hour

by Ysabetwordsmith



Series: Love Is For Children [12]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Artificial Intelligence, Boss/Employee Relationship, Caregiving, Caretaking, Class Differences, Class Issues, Classic Cars, Communication, Confusion, Drinking, False Friends, Fear of Abandonment, Fear of loss, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gen, Hangover, Happy!whump, Heavy Drinking, Hurt/Comfort, Male Friendship, Misunderstandings, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony!Whump, Whump, Workplace, Workplace Relationship, Workplace Violence, abusive boss, flangst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-07
Updated: 2014-03-28
Packaged: 2018-01-14 21:39:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1279810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ysabetwordsmith/pseuds/Ysabetwordsmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony rescues Happy from an abusive employer. Happy rescues Tony from himself. But of course it's never really that simple ...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. He Still Knew How to Take It

**Author's Note:**

> Although this story takes place years prior to "Love Is For Children," it wouldn't make as much sense placed at the beginning, so I'm leaving it here to serve as a flashback to what Tony's life was like beforehand.

The party kept Happy busy. There weren't enough people trained for valet parking to keep up with the rapid influx of cars, which meant pressing the chauffeurs into service as well. This made Happy nervous because his employer wanted him available _at any time_ for driving duty. With the party in full swing, though, hopefully he wouldn't notice.

Happy's luck was not that good. He had just climbed out of a truly luscious red Lamborghini when a fist connected with his face.

"I told you to be on call! I needed to go out and apparently everyone thought it was more important to park cars so I had to drive _myself_. How do you think that made me look?"

Happy licked blood off the corner of his mouth. He was an accomplished boxer. He could have pounded this arrogant creampuff into the pavement. It would be no challenge at all, which was rather the problem.

Happy held his tongue and his temper. Silently he resolved to start looking for a new job tomorrow. Again. Rich people tended to be dicks.

Just then a hand descended on his employer's shoulder. "There you are, I've been looking all over for you, just the man I wanted to see. Come with me and I'll tell you all about my cool new project, it is literally cooler than you will believe -- have you heard of cold fusion yet? No? Well prepare to be amazed!"

Happy watched in stunned disbelief as he was rescued by a slender young man in a tailored suit and a goatee, who apparently did not need to breathe between sentences. Nobody could stand against that onslaught.

A discreet tap on his shoulder brought Happy back to the part of the world that actually involved him. "Do you need to call it a night?" the lot supervisor asked.

They were desperately shorthanded, because the boss was a cheap bastard. "No, thank you," Happy said. "I'll just duck around back and ask one of the house girls to loan me a bit of cover-up. I'll be fine."

Happy _was_ fine. He might not get beat up for a living anymore, but he still knew how to take it. He cadged some makeup, concealed the spreading bruise on his jaw, and went back to work. He parked cars and smiled at guests. The tips were good.

Several times, Happy saw his rescuer again. He was charming and elegant in a way that utterly disarmed his victims, sweeping up one person and then another in whatever mad scheme drove him. Dainty hands fluttered in swift, expansive gestures. It was captivating to watch. Happy was perhaps staring more than he should have.

The young man stared back, his dark eyes alert and mischievous as a ferret. His gaze caught on the swelling bruise at Happy's mouth, not at all fooled by the concealer. Then he winked at Happy and went back indoors.

Happy had a ferret once. The aptly named Lucifer delighted in stealing his socks, chewing through the tub of ferret chow, and climbing up people's pant legs. Lucifer had also once tackled him while Happy was trying to get dressed and then proceeded to crawl into Happy's left boot to kill a scorpion hiding inside. Lucifer later got him kicked out of a nice apartment when the landlady found out about the ferret, but Happy didn't mind.


	2. Dancing on a Coffee Table

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony gets himself into trouble. Happy helps get him out of it.

Later, after most of the cars had been parked and the guests were carousing indoors, the traffic died down to a trickle. Happy gladly returned to the staff lounge. Let the regular valets handle what remained of the parking.

Happy's official duty was interrupted again by a mishap in one of the parlors. "Does anyone here have the muscles to carry lumber? Which was a table before some of the guests used it as a dance platform?" asked a flustered servant.

Happy wasn't qualified as domestic help. He worked as a chauffeur based on his excellent driving skills. The problem was that domestic staff were chosen as much for looks as for skills. So they tended to be tall and attractive and not good for carrying much more than a platter of food. If you wanted someone to lift weight, you often had to borrow from the outside staff, because garden and garage work demanded more strength.

"I'll come," Happy said, standing up.

It was a good thing he did. The wrecked table had been a massive artifact of hardwood and even in pieces it was heavy. Happy had no idea how mere dancing could have broken it, unless they'd covered the entire tabletop with people. Which they quite possibly had. Happy loaded the remains into a cart to be wheeled away. Two of the guests were dancing on a coffee table, now -- Ferret Man himself and some blonde lady wearing way too many diamonds and way too little dress.

With a sharp _snap,_ one marble panel fell out of the coffee table, dumping Ferret Man into the ruins of another expensive piece of furniture. He wobbled on his feet, looking down at himself in dismay. He stood trapped inside the relatively small hole in the wooden frame. Happy darted forward and caught him before he could fall all the way down and maybe break a leg.

Ferret Man reeked of champagne. Shaky fingers clutched at Happy's crisp white shirt. "Saw a bunch of other guys dancing on a table, thought it looked like fun, turns out, not so much," Ferret Man mumbled into Happy's neck.

Happy lifted him carefully out of the broken coffee table. "Someone will be on duty for first aid," he murmured, dusting marble dust and rosewood splinters off the smart black pants. "Shall I call for help, sir?"

Ferret Man pulled away in alarm, brown eyes going wide. "No, no, I'm fine! See how fine I am? I'm going dancing. On the floor this time, I think." He reeled away in search of his partner, who had vanished into the glittering crowd.

Happy sighed and signaled for another cart. Then he bent down to pick up the thick square of gold-flecked marble.

Even after Happy escaped back to the lounge, it felt like less of a refuge now that the party had intruded on it once already. He couldn't really relax. Happy reminded himself that he was at work and so it didn't matter. He tried to lose himself in the latest issue of _Hot Rod_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Servants really are hired for looks over ability sometimes, a tradition that goes way back. [This article about Victorian servants](http://www.waynesthisandthat.com/servantwages.htm) gives a good example: footmen were supposed to be tall and handsome, as much decoration as service. In order to keep a household running -- especially if there are many servants and a careless master -- people may make their own arrangements to cover necessary tasks with available help.
> 
> Fancy coffee tables sometimes have a wooden frame with several panels of marble, glass, or other material. I found this [rosewood and marble example](http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/FINE-CHINESE-ANTIQUE-ROSEWOOD-AND-MARBLE-COFFEE-TABLE-CHAIRS-ALSO-AVAILABLE-/290900056380) for sale, with a [closeup photo](http://i688.photobucket.com/albums/vv244/westpennineantiques/120413/IMG_8622.jpg); the marble coloration is wrong but the style is about right. The panels are prone to breaking out of the frame under too much weight, because there isn't actually much wood holding them in place.
> 
> _[Hot Rod](http://www.hotrod.com/)_ is one of the leading [car magazines](http://www.world-newspapers.com/auto.html). Happy appreciates fine rides.


	3. Worth Putting Up With

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy gets roped into driving Tony home.

Hours later, one of the maids came to Happy and said, "You have an assignment. They want you to drive someone home." She pointed toward the inside door.

Why was she directing him into the _house?_ Happy didn't belong in the house. He belonged in the garage or the parking lot with the cars. He wasn't cut out for that kind of domestic work and he wasn't altogether comfortable in the house. He should have gotten a message from the lot supervisor to come get the keys to whichever vehicle he was assigned, so that he could pick up the passenger. Happy followed the maid, though, because at least this task involved doing his real job.

"... or let him fall on the floor, Jesus _fuck,_ just stay here for the five minutes it will take for someone to come pour Stark into a car," said a shrill voice.

Happy rounded a corner to see his employer and the lady from the coffee table reluctantly propping up a blind-drunk Ferret Man. Who apparently was the infamous Tony Stark, realized Happy as he got a better look at the face.

They shoved their drunken guest at him, none too gently, with the careless order, "Get him home in one piece." Then they both headed back to the party.

"Address, sir?" Happy asked, trying to keep Mr. Stark upright.

It took three tries to make out the mumbled reply.

Happy tried heading toward the exit, only to have Mr. Stark trip over his fancy Italian shoes and nearly end up on the floor. Happy caught him again, without saying a word.

Mr. Stark hung all over him, trying to find his balance, and mostly failing. He was handsome, if you liked bad boys, and he had a reputation for humping anything that moved. Happy had his lines ready just in case; you didn't stay in service if you weren't prepared for politely declining rude invitations.

Yet Mr. Stark's wandering hands never landed anywhere inappropriate. It was intimate, but weirdly nonsexual. He seemed more interested in finding a good grip than in a good grope. Happy's opinion of him inched upward. Rich people tended to be dicks, but a few of them -- a very few -- were worth putting up with anyway.

So Happy did something that he almost never did: he slipped his professional bearing a little to one side and handled Mr. Stark the way he would handle a drunk friend. "Let's try something a bit more secure," Happy suggested. He draped Mr. Stark's arm over his shoulder and clasped the smaller man's waist. With Happy supporting most of his weight and keeping him upright, Mr. Stark managed to get his feet moving in the right direction. Outside, the cool air helped to revive Mr. Stark.

The lot supervisor pointed them to the assigned limousine. Happy settled Mr. Stark in the back seat and buckled him in. Then Happy felt the dainty hand slip into his pocket. "Excuse me, sir --"

"F'your trouble," Mr. Stark said blurrily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About the only sensible thing about this party is the provision of a [designated driver](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Designated_driver) for anybody who needs a ride home. It's important [not to let people drive drunk](http://www.autohub360.com/index.php/dont-let-your-friends-drive-drunk-1060/), especially since a [social host can sometimes be held liable](http://www.attorneys.com/dui-dwi/social-host-alcohol-liability/) for drunk driving accidents.
> 
> [Problem drinking](http://www.uptodate.com/contents/alcohol-use-when-is-drinking-a-problem-beyond-the-basics) refers to situations when alcohol use causes difficulties, but has not yet reached chemical dependence. Getting totally blasted at a party where people don't really care about you, breaking furniture, and having to be half-carried out would definitely qualify. [Know the signs](http://www.med.unc.edu/alcohol/prevention/signs.html) and understand [how to cut down](http://www.camh.ca/en/hospital/health_information/a_z_mental_health_and_addiction_information/alcohol/Pages/dealing_with_drinking.aspx).
> 
> Fortunately Happy knows [how to take care of a drunk person](http://www.wikihow.com/Take-Care-of-a-Drunk-Person). He's probably had plenty of experience before, which will come in handy dealing with Tony.
> 
> In canon, Tony seems torn between [touch aversion](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9250982.html) and [skin hunger](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9249804.html). Sometimes he shies away from people; other times he gets downright handsy and drapes himself all over them. [Alcohol lowers inhibitions](http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/bb/neuro/neuro04/web2/epowell.html) and encourages people to [grope each other](http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21573043).


	4. In No Condition to Walk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy drives Tony home. Tony is too drunk to do much on his own.

Happy reached into his pocket and found his wallet right where it belonged. Beside it rested something else, which he pulled out to reveal a fold of bills held together with a golden paperclip shaped like a star over a note reading _Driver_ in neat black handwriting. The top one was a hundred, which was standard at this kind of party, but it wasn't alone. And Mr. Stark was still lolling against Happy as if they actually knew each other.

"Thank you, sir," Happy said as he leaned Mr. Stark gently against the back of the seat. The young man whined at the loss of contact. Happy was reminded of trying to crate a ferret. Hastily he closed the door before his charge could escape or try to crawl inside his shirt.

As the limo pulled smoothly out of the lot, Mr. Stark rapped his knuckles on the tinted glass partition and said, "Window." Happy rolled down a back window for him.

Half a block later, Mr. Stark stuck his head out of it to vomit down the side of the car.

Well, it wasn't Happy's car and he wouldn't have to wash it tomorrow. "There are carsick bags and peppermints in the compartment of your door, sir," he said in case that would make Mr. Stark more comfortable.

"Nah, m'good. Like the wind in m'hair. Feelsh like flyin' ..." Mr. Stark said. Then he leaned out and threw up again.

"Bottled water is in the minifridge, sir," said Happy. He wouldn't unlock the bar without a direct order. The little lush had far too much to drink already, and Happy didn't want to wind up diverting to the nearest emergency room.

Mr. Stark fumbled around in the back, eventually managing to retrieve a bottle of water. He lifted it in a toast. Happy thought he was joking until he slurred, "T'alla onesh who wer'n ash lucky."

You didn't joke about that.

Happy kept his eye on Mr. Stark in the rearview mirror, dark head tipped back to drink. There was definitely more to him than what showed in a first glance at a rich playboy. Happy wondered how many people had noticed that. Possibly very few, considering the indifference of Mr. Stark's companions at the party.

By the time Happy pulled into the driveway at the Malibu mansion, Mr. Stark had stopped throwing up but was plainly in no condition to walk into his house by himself. "May I call someone to take you indoors, sir?" Happy offered.

"Nah," Mr. Stark said. "Jush gimme a li'l hand?"

"Yes, sir," Happy said, although it was neither proper nor in his job description. Happy managed to get Mr. Stark up the front walk, holding the slender man steady as he fumbled his door open.

"Good evening, sir, or shall I say, very early morning," said a cool British voice.

Happy looked around but saw no one. Intercom, most likely. From the number of tiny lights scattered around the dim area, Mr. Stark had an amazing amount of electronics in his home. Well, some rich people liked their entertainment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony uses this kind of [gold star paperclip](http://www.etsy.com/listing/156294688/12-gold-star-paper-clips-scrap-booking?utm_source=google&utm_medium=product_listing_promoted&utm_campaign=supplies_low&gclid=CLf6y7Lyx7oCFeJDMgodpTkAMg).
> 
> Alcohol tends to cause [nausea and dehydration](http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-the-connection-between-alcohol-and-nausea.htm). At high enough levels, it leads to [alcohol poisoning](http://www.collegedrinkingprevention.gov/otheralcoholinformation/factsaboutalcoholpoisoning.aspx), which can be fatal. [Tips for treating nausea](http://www.wikihow.com/Cure-Nausea) include ventilation, water, and peppermint.
> 
> "[To all the ones who weren't as lucky](http://coldfireserge.tumblr.com/post/20079661643)" is a toast popular in military and emergency services.
> 
> You can read about the [history of home electronics](http://www.epemag.com/epe-history.html). Happy met Tony a couple decades ago, when most people's houses had some appliances but not the masses of networked entertainment equipment common today. Except that Tony's home back then was at least as wired as a geek's house today. Tony seems to run 15-20 years ahead of the curve.


	5. Drunken Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy pours a sloppy-drunk Tony into bed.

"Bed," Mr. Stark said with a vague wave that might have been intended as direction but was entirely unhelpful.

"This way, sir," said the voice, and hall lighting turned on by itself.

Happy took a tentative step in that direction, and another light turned on farther down the hall. All right, fine, that was a little weird but he could work with it. Happy followed the lights to a door that opened on a luxurious bedroom. He lowered Mr. Stark onto the bed, arranging him on his side. The fancy clothes bunched around his body. That didn't look very comfortable. Happy frowned.

No doubt the man would throw a fit if he woke up without his clothes. Happy compromised by unbuttoning the cuffs and collar of the costly tailored shirt, and after a moment's hesitation, the trousers as well. Then he pulled off the shoes and set them beside the bed.

"He's going to want aspirin in the morning," Happy muttered, still uncomfortably stuck between 'friend' and 'servant' modes.

The room light dimmed, leaving a bright crack of light showing beneath another door. Curious, Happy opened the door and found the bathroom. From there it was easy to locate the bottle of aspirin, then fill one of the crystal glasses and pop the matching cover on it. He left those on the nightstand beside the bed.

Then Happy noticed the bathroom light was still on. He went to turn it off, only to have a spotlight hit the louvered door of the linen closet. Obligingly he opened that door too -- and smiled when he saw the spare blankets. Happy picked one up and draped it over Mr. Stark.

A touch on his face startled him. "What --?"

"Ashhole," Mr. Stark said, tracing the bruise at the corner of Happy's mouth. The touch was overly familiar, but it felt concerned rather than lascivious. Happy had forgotten about getting hit earlier. "Doesh'n desherve you."

"As you say, sir," Happy said. Rich people tended to stay amiable as long as you agreed with whatever they said.

"Shtay," Mr. Stark said. He let his hand drop, but the brown eyes gleamed as they watched for Happy's reaction. "Hire you inna morning."

Happy felt a pang of temptation. He knew better than to put any faith in drunken promises, though. "I need to return the car," he said gently as he pulled away.

Mr. Stark rolled over then, turning his back on Happy. The chauffeur heaved a sigh of relief at this clear dismissal. He let himself out of the house, closing all the doors carefully behind him even though he couldn't lock any of them. Then he drove the limousine back to its parking spot.

Happy went home, of course. He wasn't stupid. He knew that Mr. Stark couldn't possibly have offered him a job for _real_. Things like that just didn't happen, even if Mr. Stark had rescued him from an abusive employer, even if Happy had later driven him home and more-or-less tucked him into bed. The man needed someone to make sure he got home safely.

This wasn't a fairy tale. Happy knew better. Really he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy knows how to anticipate and [treat a hangover](http://www.wikihow.com/Treat-a-Hangover). Rest, water, and painkillers top the recommended care list. Also it's inadvisable to leave a drunken person alone, but Happy already feels self-conscious about how far he's stepped outside the formal boundaries of their relationship at this stage. Having heard JARVIS, Happy thinks there's another servant somewhere nearby. JARVIS could call an ambulance if necessary, but he doesn't have hands of his own; in cases like that this, it can be a nerve-wracking limitation.
> 
> JARVIS uses light to point things out, the way a human would use their hands. Tony has thoughtfully designed the space to accommodate that, mindful of the building as a body for JARVIS. Articulated devices include fully mobile spotlights and partially mobile [recessed lights](http://www.scotlightdirect.co.uk/Bathroom-Lights/Recessed-Lighting/Saxby-46551/23147.html) that JARVIS can control. Happy doesn't really understand what's going on with the lighting in the mansion.
> 
> [Alcohol impairs thought and lowers inhibitions](http://www.sheknows.com/health-and-wellness/articles/1016655/study-shows-why-alcohol-lowers-our-inhibitions), so sometimes drunken people say things they don't mean, or mean but would not normally say aloud. [This creates confusion](http://bigthink.com/the-proverbial-skeptic/a-drunk-mind-speaks-a-sober-heart-really) over whether or not people really mean what they say while drunk. Generally speaking, don't trust drunken promises, but drunken revelations are worth checking further. Happy is right to be dubious in case it's the bottle talking.


	6. The Next Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy goes back to the mansion and encounters, not Tony, but JARVIS.

The next morning Happy sighed and gave in to the nagging itch that drove him back to the Malibu mansion. It was stupid. He would never get in, even through the servant entrance, and if he did then Mr. Stark certainly wouldn't have a job for him. Luck just didn't come that good.

Happy walked from the bus station to the mansion. He didn't mind. The weather was pleasant. He was in pretty good shape, as he still boxed for fun and exercise. A beautiful neighborhood spread out all around him. It looked like a nice place to work. After trying his hand at the Stark place, maybe Happy could visit a few more back doors or find a local paper to browse the want ads.

As Happy approached the huge building with its graceful sweeping lines, he tried to guess where the rear entrance would be. From there he could probably find a servant to tell him whether or not Mr. Stark actually did need a new chauffeur at this time.

An odd flicker caught his eye, barely visible in the low morning sunlight. There, the porchlight beside the front door blinked off and then on again.

Happy headed over to it. If the bulb wasn't screwed in tight enough, he could fix that in two seconds, even though it wasn't his job. He'd fixed headlights before. The principle was the same.

Then he remembered the odd play of lights from the night before, and the extensive electronics in the house. Happy wondered if Mr. Stark had the place wired for motion detection, or if his staff just like to play pranks on people. Curious, Happy laid a hand on the door beneath the light.

With a quiet click, the door swung open. "Creepy old place," Happy said, suddenly uneasy. "Okay, this just went from a comedy of manners to a horror movie."

"Good morning, Mr. Hogan. Please come in," said a voice.

Happy nearly jumped out of his skin. "Who are you? _Where_ are you? What the fuck are you doing?!" he yelped.

"My name is Jarvis. I am here. I assist Mr. Stark by organizing his schedule and running his household," the voice replied.

 _Butler_. The title popped unbidden into Happy's mind, and his back instinctively straightened. It didn't matter that people rarely used the title on this side of the pond. He'd spent a summer studying service in England. He hadn't fit in there, and he hadn't passed the qualifications, but he had learned a great deal of use. One of those things was that the butler was the highest-ranked servant in the house, and you didn't argue with him, even if he did something odd like hiding in the security room to speak with you only over an intercom.

"I'm sorry," said Happy as he stepped inside the mansion, closing the door behind him. "You startled me. I wasn't anticipating -- well, any of this." He waved a broad hand at the house in general. "I'm not sure what's expected of me."

"You are under no specific obligations at this time," said Jarvis. "However, I do have a service contract on offer, if you wish to see it. Mr. Stark is in need of a chauffeur."

"I can do that," Happy said.

"This way, please," said Jarvis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The servant entrance on a large house or mansion is typically [behind](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culchie) or [below](http://janeaustensworld.wordpress.com/2010/08/17/the-area-the-servants-entrance-to-regency-era-townhouses/) the house.
> 
> [Flickering lights and moving doors](http://www.manchesterparanormal.org/How-Do-You-Know-You're-Haunted-.php) are among the more famous signs of a [haunted house](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haunted_house). At this point in time, JARVIS is still young enough that he doesn't realize how some of his natural behavior may spook humans. Also note that Happy doesn't know who he's really dealing with, so he hears the name as "Jarvis" rather than "JARVIS." Don't confuse that with Edwin Jarvis, who isn't in this story.
> 
> A [comedy of manners](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comedy_of_manners) is a story about class issues, a genre that Happy probably discovered in England.
> 
> Traditionally[ the butler](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butler) is the top of the servant hierarchy, although some modern households have a different head.


	7. Led to a Den

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JARVIS leads Happy to a den and shows him resources about working at Stark Industries.

Indoors was so open and bright that Happy had to look closely to see where the lighting had changed, directing him down a different hallway. It led to a den, not decorated like a personal space, but rather a quiet room where people could meet to chat or play a game. The light was a little dimmer in here, curtains half-drawn, so that glints of blue light showed here and there on electronics. Happy's feet sank into the deep carpet. A desk stood in one corner, so he went to check for a contract there.

There were no papers on the desk. The surface was dark glass except for one large, glowing square. Staring at it, Happy finally recognized it as a computer. Maybe. Probably. Plenty of people had computers but this was different. There was no clunky box, no keyboard, just this shiny patch of desk with a picture of a contract on it.

Happy leaned forward and realized that he could read the text quite clearly. The Stark Industries logo showed in one corner. Apparently this _was_   the contract. It wasn't even in legalese, just a crisp formal tone that laid out duties and benefits for a chauffeur. Happy's eyebrows climbed as he realized that on this salary, he could afford a car of his own, and a nicer apartment than his current one. Reaching the bottom of the text, he touched the corner of the document, forgetting for a moment that it wasn't paper.

The page turned anyway. There in the top paragraph was a description of the chauffeur's apartment over the detached garage. It was, indeed, much more luxurious than where he lived now -- and it wouldn't cost him an extra penny, it was his as a perk of employment. Happy sat down rather heavily in the leather chair. "Wow," he said softly.

There was more, of course, much more. Happy read the entire contract carefully. It sounded too good to be true. He'd had some bad experiences with things like that before.

Happy tapped restlessly on the desk. His fingers hit one of the little colored rectangles down the side of the screen, like tabs on a file folder. The contract blinked out, replaced by a report about Stark Industries. Happy looked at it, trying to figure out what he'd done, and how, and where the contract had gone. The report itself compared the range of Stark Industries compensation to several of its competitors and the national average. It was all way over Happy's head, except for the part summarizing employee satisfaction. He could figure out a pie chart just fine, and most of the pie was "very satisfied."

Happy wondered if any of the other tabs did anything. He touched another one. It opened to show a grid of gorgeous cars, apparently all belonging to Mr. Stark. Pointing to a particular car brought up a more detailed description along with its maintenance record. Happy was bemused to see that Mr. Stark liked to take care of his own cars. Well, rich people were allowed to be eccentric. The display also offered videos of the cars in motion, which even included views of the dashboard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are ways to make an [embedded computer screen](http://www.instructables.com/id/mount-a-2nd-display-into-your-desk/) sit flush in a desk.
> 
> Happy is exploring a [touchscreen](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Touchscreen) that is about as sophisticated as a modern tablet. Compare that to the clunky first-generation touchscreen computer in the article, from the mid-1980s.
> 
> Tony has a superlative grasp of motion and logic. [Designing intuitive computer/human interfaces](http://software.intel.com/sites/billboard/article/designing-intuitive-human-computer-interaction-naturally) is very difficult. He does it almost without thinking. The result is so elegant that a person with very casual knowledge of computers can figure out how to use the display in a few minutes, just by poking at it. JARVIS doesn't have to explain much; he mostly lets Happy figure out things for himself. The "assist" mode that the Avengers find so useful probably doesn't exist yet.
> 
> [Tony's cars](http://exoticcars.about.com/od/famousfilmcars/a/IronManGarage.htm) appear in several of the Marvel movies. At least two of those -- the 1932 Ford Flathead Roadster and the 1967 Shelby Cobra -- probably appear on Happy's display.


	8. A Better Class of Company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy learns more about Tony, makes a decision about the contract, and investigates the amenities.

"Cool," Happy said. His interest in technology focused mainly on cars. He didn't know much about computers, but this one proved easier to use than anything he'd even heard about, let alone seen. All he had to do was poke at things to make them appear or disappear. He couldn't resist trying another tab.

The screen filled with a splay of newspaper articles, like clippings spilled from a folder. Happy touched one, and it moved with his finger as if it were paper. Then he saw the headline.

_Billionaire Couple Howard and Maria Stark Killed in Car Crash_.

The others focused on Mr. Stark himself. Most of them involved alcohol or cars. Several of them involved both. None of the photos were flattering. It was all public knowledge, but Happy felt like a voyeur anyway. Still, he could see why the man needed a chauffeur. Not to mention a better class of company than the "friends" who couldn't even be bothered to see him safely into a car themselves, but fobbed him off on a stranger instead. Looking at the bleak spread of black and white in front of him made Happy's chest feel tight.

"I'm in," he decided. The contract blinked back into place on the screen. "Okay, how do I sign this thing?"

"Place your hand on the screen," Jarvis said.

Happy obeyed. A bar of light swept across the screen, like a copy machine. Happy hadn't photocopied his own body parts since he was thirteen, but he had to muffle a laugh anyway.

"Scan complete. You will find a stylus in the middle drawer of the desk. Now sign and date on the solid line at the bottom of this page." The contract leafed to the end.

Happy opened the drawer and found a tray full of seemingly unused office supplies. In one slot lay the stylus, a featureless rod of plastic like an unfinished pen. Happy scribbled his name and the date as instructed. Then he put the stylus back where he found it.

"Thank you. Welcome to Stark Industries, Mr. Hogan," was what Jarvis said. What it sounded like was, _welcome home_.

"So now what?" Happy asked.

"Sir is not yet awake, but should emerge in another hour or two. In the meantime you are welcome to stay here and relax. There are a variety of automotive materials on file, along with numerous games." A new set of tabs appeared down the side of the screen.

Happy toyed idly with the tabs, opening and closing articles about cars, driving, and popular mechanics. Interesting. Still... "Games?" he asked. He couldn't see any equipment for that.

"Controllers for those games requiring peripherals are in the drawer to your left," said Jarvis.

Happy tugged the drawer open, expecting to find a mess of cords and junk. Instead it was as organized as the center drawer, every controller nestled into a shaped piece of foam, cords bundled neatly down the center. It pleased him to see equipment treated with such respect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Problem drinking can lead to [many mishaps](http://rethinkingdrinking.niaaa.nih.gov/WhatsTheHarm/WhatAreSymptomsOfAnAlcoholUseDisorder.asp) including [drunk driving](http://www.addiction411.com/drunk-driving/) and [public incidents](https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/understand-your-drinking/is-your-drinking-a-problem/binge-drinking).
> 
> Celebrity life comes with a lack of privacy that has [very destructive effects](http://debatewise.org/debates/1196-paparazzi-and-press-intrude-too-much-into-celebrities-lives/). Celebrities [deal with this in various ways](http://www.ehow.com/how-does_4692051_celebrity-deal-public-life.html), some more effective or positive than others. This is not one of Tony's finer decades.
> 
> [False friends](http://au.reachout.com/What-is-a-bad-friendship) will do awful things like [abandon a friend while he's drunk](http://www.azcentral.com/community/tempe/free/20130514drunk-asu-student-left-hospital-post-note.html). This is how most of Tony's current "friends" behave. There are ways to [identify false friends](http://www.wikihow.com/Identify-a-False-Friend).
> 
> [Photocopying body parts](http://www.schoolshows.com/totallyuselessskills/office/photocopy_body_parts.html) is a popular prank.
> 
> Many [game organizers](http://www.squidoo.com/video-game-system-organizers) exist. There are instructions for [making wooden drawer dividers](http://www.creatingreallyawesomefreethings.com/how-do-i-get-organized-2/). Tony probably got the idea of using foam inserts because trimmable foam is often used to [organize tool drawers](http://www.sears.com/craftsman-foam-drawer-organizers/p-00965417000P). With a fabrication floor he wouldn't even have to fool around with a craft knife, just scan the things to be organized, stipulate the drawer size, and say "Make a holder for this stuff."


	9. Someone to Catch Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony wakes up and finds Happy waiting for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here ends "Happy Hour." Thank you all for sticking with the series this far! I love your input. Final thoughts on the story overall are welcome, in addition to reactions on this specific chapter. I also have a list of [favorite photogenic scenes](http://ysabetwordsmith.dreamwidth.org/9313791.html) from the whole series for fanartists to consider, partly compiled from audience requests.
> 
> A note on feedback: While it's not necessary to comment on every post I make, remember that I don't know who reads/likes things if nobody says anything. Particularly on long stories, I've discovered that I get antsy if there's nothing but crickets chirping for several posts. So it helps to give me feedback at least once, even if it's just "I like this" or "This one doesn't grab me." First and last episodes are ideal if you rarely feel inspired to comment in the middle.

Happy explored the tabs on the screen again, finding collections of classic and contemporary games. Some of them were old arcade games. Others were computer games with recent release dates. Several games had release dates for _later in the year_. Happy had no idea what to make of that. Maybe Mr. Stark knew people who made games. Rich people traded favors all the time.

Happy liked the good old games, though. He selected _Grand Prix_ and pulled the right controller from its nest. The purr of the engine revving up made him grin.

Some time later, Jarvis interrupted with, "Sir is awake now. You may wait for him in the kitchen. Feel free to avail yourself of coffee and breakfast, if you wish."

"In the kitchen? The _main_ kitchen?" Happy said dubiously.

"Sir does not often stand on ceremony."

"No, just coffee tables," Happy said without thinking, and then wanted to smack himself.

"Indeed. It is helpful for there to be someone to catch him, in such case." The voice was dry but warm. Maybe Jarvis and Happy could tag-team and keep Mr. Stark from getting into trouble quite so often.

Happy went to the kitchen. It looked shiny and industrial, far more complex than anything he knew how to use. Ready lights glinted from countless appliances. Coffee already trickled into a coffee pot.

Happy had no idea where anything was, but gamely tried the cabinet above the coffee machine. Logic prevailed, it held coffee cups, and he borrowed one with some kind of scientific-looking print on it. The coffee was breathtakingly good. Happy had never tasted anything like it before.

Mr. Stark wandered in, rumpled and sleepy and obviously hungover. He poured most of the coffee pot into a tall blue thermos cup that he clutched with both hands.

Happy couldn't help smiling when he saw the TARDIS printed on it. That one he recognized; he'd gotten hooked on the show during his stay in England. The Doctor was as wild as Mr. Stark, in his own way. Happy chuckled a little.

Mr. Stark startled at the sound. He spun around and spied Happy. "Oh. You came back," he said.

Of course Mr. Stark hadn't really expected to find Happy in his kitchen. Contract or no contract, it was still too good to be true. Happy knew that. He stood up to leave --

\-- and found himself with an armful of Mr. Stark again, draped over him in a sloppy sideways hug. "Are you really staying? Because that would be great. It's just people usually don't," the billionaire burbled. A huge grin lit his face.

"Sir, I did inform you when you woke that Mr. Hogan had signed on with Stark Industries," said Jarvis.

"Details," Mr. Stark said with an airy wave of his hand. He took a long pull from his coffee. Then he turned his attention back to his new chauffeur. "So what do you say, Mr. Hogan?"

There was really only one answer to that, nevermind if it crossed a line and broke a long-standing personal rule.

"Actually, my friends call me Happy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _[Grand Prix](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grand_Prix_\(video_game\))_ is a video game about racing cars.
> 
> An [industrial kitchen](http://www.housetohome.co.uk/kitchen/picture/industrial-style-kitchen) has a sleek, technological style with an emphasis on metallic fixtures.
> 
> This is the [science cup](http://www.overstock.com/Home-Garden/Konitz-Science-Physics-Mugs-Set-of-4/5919069/product.html?SID=tfc_-_3_12_140124_e2f05cd9d9c4a1fb0476aa6fcdbfd2f8:0000&TRACK=affcjfeed&PID=1609763&AID=10654383&CID=207442&fp=F).
> 
> This is Tony's [TARDIS cup](http://www.etsy.com/listing/83983979/tardis-blueprint-doctor-who-travel-mug?utm_source=google&utm_medium=product_listing_promoted&utm_campaign=housewares_low&gclid=CPL6zKz6x7oCFaUWMgod5FgAdg).

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Hogan is Tony's chauffeur and bodyguard, with detailed descriptions appearing both in [Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happy_Hogan) and the [Marvel Wiki](http://marvel.com/universe/Hogan,_Happy). They're oddly protective of each other, and they cross some boundaries, but not in a creepy way. I figured they might have met via shenanigan, so this is my interpretation of the scene.
> 
> [A Lamborghini](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamborghini) is a fancy sportscar.
> 
> [Workplace abuse](https://www.osha.gov/SLTC/workplaceviolence/) can be a serious problem, [especially in service jobs](http://www.ehow.com/about_6610367_physical-abuse-workplace.html). It is [related to domestic violence](http://www.workplacebullying.org/individuals/problem/definition/). Happy's employer shows the signs of a [serial bully](http://antibullyingcrusador.wordpress.com/2008/04/06/tactics-of-a-workplace-serial-bully-boss/). There are [ways to deal with workplace bullying](http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-with-Workplace-Bullying-and-Harassment), but basically [they don't work very well](http://www.workplacebullying.org/2012/04/20/effectiveness/). Most victims can only escape the abuse by leaving the job. Notice that Tony interrupts the assault by distraction and denying the bully audience attention for the abuse; this is an [effective way to discourage bullying](http://www.nea.org/home/51629.htm).
> 
> Rich people are statistically more likely to [display psychopathic and greedy behavior](http://bud-meyers.blogspot.com/2013/07/new-study-rich-psychopathic-and-greedy.html), especially [the very rich](http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2011/nov/07/one-per-cent-wealth-destroyers). Anyone can be decent or vile, but the more wealth a person has, the easier it gets for them to evade social expectations and do as they please, so that vices tend to become more prominent.
> 
> [Cold fusion](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cold_fusion) is legendary scientific technique that people have claimed but not proven possible, which puts it right up Tony's alley.
> 
> [Concealing bruises](http://refuge.org.uk/what-we-do/campaigns/dont-cover-it-up/) is something that many abuse victims do for various reasons. There are [ways to cover up bruises](http://www.wikihow.com/Cover-Up-a-Bruise), best reserved for times when you really do crash into something. Happy's desire to keep working a highly profitable venue is understandable, but not the best example of self-preservation.
> 
> [Ferrets make popular pets](http://www.drsfostersmith.com/pic/article.cfm?aid=1850), but they are [notorious for mischief](http://www.flickr.com/groups/631678@N25/).


End file.
